Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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