been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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