OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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