i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
