If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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