I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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