Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
