i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
