I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PANTIES FOUND
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
