She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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