Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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