I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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