so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
