At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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