I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
