there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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