I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
