So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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