I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
