your thong is hanging out like whoa
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
