so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
