Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
