So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
