i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
