So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
