She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
