yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
