too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
