Whod you bang
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
