why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
