Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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