a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
