Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
