I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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