We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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