Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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