what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You can't special order awesome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
