you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
