What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
