I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
