i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
