Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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