i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
