my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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