You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do vagina's smell?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
