well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
