Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
