mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
