oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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