It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
