My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
