Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
