we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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