My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
