So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
