Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
