It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
