yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
