it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
