The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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