WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
