She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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