he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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