She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
