She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
