The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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