you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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